It Really Isn’t That Hard to Love Yourself

 

Learn To Love Yourself

Learn To Love Yourself

 

Do you love yourself? Do you know how to love yourself? Do you even know what that means?

I didn’t for a very long time. I could always come up with a reason to hate some part of me. From my physical self to my inner most thoughts and feelings, I hated me. It’s been quite a journey to get where I am now. I am far from perfect and continue to work at it every day.

As I began to realize that I didn’t even make my own top 10 list of people I love the most, things got ugly for a while, scary even. You may have been there too, or maybe you’re there now. Here are some things I learned on my journey to self-love that I work on each day:

  1. I am a work in progress. There is no finish line. All I have to do is keep working on being the best person I can be and that puts me in a better place.
  2. Learn to forgive yourself. You forgive your kids, your spouse, your roommate, your boss, and your co-workers…why can’t you forgive yourself?
  3. Admit when you are wrong. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s not a weakness. Admitting when you have made a mistake allows you to move forward from it.
  4. Stop comparing yourself to others. In our society at this time, this one is so difficult to do. Seeing other seemingly perfect people, hearing about their so-called perfect lives. Believe me, everyone has something they are trying to hide.
  5. Play to your strengths (hire out for everything else). This was a big one for me. I had to figure out what I do really well and forget everything else. I don’t have to be great at everything- I can’t. I’d rather be perfect at a few things than mediocre at a bunch of things.
  6. Spend more time developing and enjoying the relationships you have with other people. What else in this life do you have? Material possessions come and go, people are all that matter. Love on them, nurture them, and let them know how much they mean to you. Love them with everything you have! It will help you love yourself that intensely.
  7. Visit the ocean at least once in your life. It’s important to feel small, but to understand that even you, one person, can cause a ripple through the water.
  8. Stop saying “some day”. Make today the day. Some day will never come. Well, it will but you may be dead and long gone by then.
  9. Choose to be happy. I heard this saying from my mother growing up “You can get glad in the same pants you got mad in.” Basically, you can choose to be mad or happy, might as well choose happy. This saying later got shortened to just “get glad…” This is one of my favorites, thanks Mom!
  10. Be okay with being alone. How do you get to know the person or people you love? You spend quality time with them getting to know and understand them right? Do the same with yourself. Being around others 100% of the time is a distraction from your self-awareness and our self-love.
  11. Take care of you. Treat yourself like the other people you take care of. You are a nurturer by nature right? Don’t leave yourself off of the list of people to nurture.
  12. Dance in the rain. I believe in living life to it’s fullest. Push the limits so you can feel alive. Whether you dance in the rain, or jump out of a plane, say yes to your life!
  13. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh! We’re all human. Humans are very funny creatures! Laughing lightens the mood, and let’s others know you are real and relatable. Being able to laugh at yourself helps keep you authentic.
  14. Stop judging yourself. This starts with being more tolerant and accepting of others. Recognize that everyone is living on this planet it just trying to make it through the day. There is no black or white, wrong or right. We are each having a human experience. You are too.
  15. Do what makes you happy. You can’t make everyone happy, and you are the only person you have to live with.
  16. Say what you mean, but don’t be rude. Knowing what makes you happy, or what you won’t allow is so very important to self-love. Know your boundaries and stick to them. Be willing to speak up for yourself and not be taken advantage of, but do so in a way that doesn’t hurt or berate another person.
  17. Take pause and see the world around you. Breathe it in. Smell the smells, feel the wind, hear the sounds that bring your heart joy.

 

 

 

Real Love Is A Choice

I choose love

Love is a verb, an action word. Love is not a feeling, it is the way someone acts towards and treats another. I learned this a long time ago. You can feel like you love someone but until you show it, the feeling won’t matter. You can’t convey a feeling to another, but you can act or treat someone with love.

What are some ways you can love someone? It starts by realizing that the feelings of excitement and euphoria are not what are important in a lasting relationship. You can certainly still have them, and I definitely do, but it’s more of a choice you make to continue to feel that way.

You have to choose to love the person you fell in love with. You have to choose them everyday. It’s really quite simple. You make a decision that every day you will put your relationship with the person you love at the top of your list.

You have a choice in how you feel. Do you get angry? Choose to not be offended. Do you get jealous? Choose to forgive. Are you bored? Choose to be happy and grateful for what you have. Do you seek revenge? Well, that’s not ever going to solve a problem now is it? These feelings and emotions are all just choices. Get control of your emotions by being mindful in what you choose.

It comes down to respect. Bob and I have arguments, I don’t know of a married couple that doesn’t, at least not one that is healthy. I mean we can get down with the best of them, that’s what having a passionate relationship will do. But there is a certain line we will never cross. It’s unspoken in that we have never sat down and gone over what’s okay and what constitutes “hitting below the belt” but we have a huge amount of mutual respect for each other and things that are said can never be unsaid.

We also never discuss our disagreements with anyone other than each other. Just like we never discuss our sex life with anyone other than each other. We keep these things private. No one needs to have any input in my relationship other than the person that is in it with me. He is the only one whose opinion matters.

Ultimately my relationship with Bob is my number one priority. I put it first, before anything else. I will fight to the death to keep it strong and healthy. I protect it. I choose to love him. He happens to do the same thing and that ‘s why it works. It’s certainly not perfect; we don’t always get it right but we choose to keep going. Real love is a choice and we choose it every day.